We all have moments we wish we could unmake — choices, reactions, or versions of ourselves we’d rather seal off in a dark corner of memory. But what we refuse to claim doesn’t disappear. It grows teeth.
In Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, the monster isn’t the creature —it’s the rejection. The danger comes from what we create and refuse to claim because we don’t love it.
Somewhere out there, there’s a situation we handled poorly, a person (or several) we mistreated, a mess of our own making that isn’t a moment we’re proud of. The best version of us is ashamed of how we showed up somewhere.
We all carry things we want to bury in the dark.
So then what? What do you do when you need to take accountability and claim something you’d really rather not? What do you do with the unlovable thing that has your fingerprints all over it?
You turn toward it — slowly and steadily — even when your stomach twists and your ego yells for you to run. If you wait for it to be pleasant to approach the bummer bits of yourself, you’re never going to get there.
It’s important to keep moving toward the discomfort of accountability, because anything you exile to the dark will learn to live there, and things that learn to live in the dark don’t stay small. They grow teeth. They learn your name. They come back for you at the worst possible moment. Burying is not destruction; burying is incubation—planting seeds in a bummer garden.
Taking accountability isn’t about self-punishment or public confession; it’s about refusing to leave any part of your life abandoned enough to rot into something monstrous. Claiming the harm you authored is a kind of reverse-Frankenstein: instead of creating a monster and abandoning it, you return to the grave you dug for it, lift it out with your own hands, and say, “You’re mine, and I’m not running from you anymore.”
It’s easier to pretend we are only the best things we’ve done, but coherence doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from integration. All of me lived this life — not just the best of me. You cannot be whole if you only show love and kindness to the polished parts of you.
-EMOTE
Sarah Sevedge has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice.
Disclaimer: The content provided is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as healthcare or medical information nor to diagnose or treat any disorder or condition. It does not constitute personal or professional consultation or create a therapist-client relationship.